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"Another Self-Portrait": A Timeless Process
An art series about all the ideas, thoughts, issues and daydreams of the artist, with the artist framed inside the own artwork. It all started when the artist noticed the fact, that it is impossible for her, to focus in just only one idea, thought, issue or daydream. It is truly a timeless process of self-acceptance. And a scream, an ode or a beautiful symphony made of photographs.
One of the most hard things for me to do is focus in only one goal. I wanted to do a project with mainly self-portrait and other characters that I'm going to create or are already created, like for example, this thing that everyone ask me "Who the hell is Faceless? What kind of human or monster is that?" and it's pretty interesting to see different reactions about these characters and concepts. I mean, self-portraiture isn't that easy, especially in terms of dealing with your issues and want to create art with them or even your biggest dreams, which all these things could be positive or negative for me, but the main thing of self-portraiture is to understand that we're creating for ourselves and then comes the public's opinion. As you may be thinking right now, it happens the opposite most times with me. My opinion comes in last, without even noticing that.
And also, it's interesting how I keep this style of dark moods even when I use too much color. I find these moods truly pure and beautiful as a human, I mean, we're so fragile and at the same time with such power. I don't know how to explain, but it's such a pure thing about our kind. I guess this all creative process is also a therapy for me. And I believe for most artists who do self-portraits.
Well, I only use Photoshop and especially Lightroom in the post-production. That's the only tools I need. But while I do the self-portraits, all the process can be described with lots of writing and skecthing, my camera, my tripod and a remote control. Sometimes I do these self-portraits with some help from my friends. It's a fun process even if all the feelings involved are purely deep or with such calmness that I can't explain with words. I can feel my own emotion in a different way, only when I look at the final result.
To be truly honest with you, I wasn't expecting so much good feedback. I had a really awful time during 2017 in terms of mental health and also one of the greatest things that happened to me last year, was smashed into pieces and I can't even think straight about that today. I felt like the most stupid human in the Universe, to be honest. I sometimes still. I stopped doing self-portraits back in June or July 2017 because I also felt ugly and I even called myself a "monster", of course the decision of returning to self-portraits was pretty hard for me. I changed my image and I'm still changing. I promised myself doing the things I love for me. And I'm having more and more ideas and even finally doing concepts that I have written all over these last 4 years! It is still a struggle for me to post self-portraits, especially because I am the artist and I'm also inside my own artwork. And the point here is how people reacted so nicely to this. I mean, receiving emails and messages on Instagram saying "You helped me with my self-esteem" or "You're an inspiration", it's amazingly weird for me. It is a blessing to know that my art help others too.
I am truly learning with this project that I have to be grateful with this gift I have in my hands, mind, eyes and heart. And also, that sometimes we need these processes to accept and inspire ourselves and then to inspire others. The most amazing thing about inspiring others is that... You don't notice that at all, until your public says to directly to you "You've been inspiring me since this artwork" or "since that artwork". Unexpected good surprises from the ones we truly expect nothing, that's something to be grateful for.